(Source: megtroid, via adrift-inaworld-ofmyown)

Timestamp: 1411001827

My love, Joseph

Timestamp: 1410748533



plant blog!!!

(Source: homeintheforest, via mandhala)

Timestamp: 1410205600



Tombstone Mountains, Yukon Territory, Canada

(Source:, via mandhala)

Timestamp: 1410205564

The Ocean Knows of Agony

You tried to kill yourself one year ago today. There was a bouquet of amaryllis and scotch broom left on the kitchen counter, but there was no note attached. I found you in the claw foot tub of our one bedroom apartment. The sink was dripping ever so often, keeping time with your pulse. Pink tinted bath water and rosemary eyes. I try to convince myself otherwise but I still believe that you did not want to be saved. Hauled up out of the no longer warm bath water, hair wet and mangled, blood dripping down your fingers. 

Our living room is filled with silence most days and an after glow of the fear that held me in its arms. I used to see you here. Now I just see a void, an absent seat where we used to sit together in our life. Though its been months since I’ve found any crumpled up drafts of your suicide note; I cant remember what it felt like to not be afraid of waking up to find you dead in the next room. You are a tracing of your former self. I almost lost you, there at the end I thought I had for sure. 

I am haunted by what could have been, what I could have found in that bathroom if I had gotten home only 10 minutes later. You said you had dreams of being more self sufficient, having a stronger sense of self and I suppose I did too. I am not strong enough to lose you. But this is not my battle and you are not my weapon of defense. 

I need to stop screaming to the ocean when no one else is around. It knows agony better than anyone else, so vast and deep that anything that tried to control it would be swallowed in the end. I guess our love was like that and you didn’t know what you were getting yourself into. You told me that you would give me everything in the world but you could not promise that you would stick around.  All I can say is that I am grateful you choose to stay here, even if for only one more day. 

(Source: moonrise-vibes)

"My grandpa fought in World War II and here I am afraid to leave my room."

"You held my hand as if it were broken glass and you were afraid of being cut."

Asteria Lauren - (via moonrise-vibes)

Remembering How My Demons Became Yours

I remember how sometimes I would catch glimpses of demons hiding beneath your eyes. You were so guarded then, so quick to reject anything that wasn’t in your control. But it somehow only made you seem more fragile. It used to frighten me; the way you would move around in the shadows and stare into corners like you could see things that we couldn’t. Maybe that’s why you seemed so frightened all the time, underneath that mask that eventually became your face. Even when you were with me.

I was afraid that if I bumped into you, you might tip over and all your darkness would spill out onto the carpet and leave a stain of your memory that would last long after you left me. You turned everything in my life dark purple and my heart became mushy like the rotted blueberries that were left out too long on the cutting board.

I don’t know why you left. Maybe the things inside your head started to take over and you couldn’t control it any longer, or maybe you were just tired of the anxiety that came along with loving someone like me. It wasn’t until long after you were gone that I realized that demons are not external beings, rather they are something that is created within yourself and that what I saw behind your eyes was not demons inhabiting your body, but fears that I placed there myself.

Asteria Lauren - (via moonrise-vibes)